40 YEAR OLD ADAM LEVINE DANCES SHIRTLESS AT SUPER BOWL
The Super Bowl Halftime show is a ritual of awful. Remember all those iconic Super Bowl halftime shows? No? That’s because there aren’t any. Aging, has been pop stars flock to the stage, gleefully prostrating themselves like sinners at the cross for their shot at career revival.
It’s consistently objectively bad. Such is the halftime tradition.
This year promised something different. Maroon 5 was going to do a Spongebob rendition, finally resurrecting the Super Bowl halftime show from laughing stock to internet meme worthy mediocrity.
But it wouldn’t be so, as Maroon 5 wimped out on the deal. Instead of performing Spongebob, they performed their own songs. Their own God awful songs. And I watched, like a puppy dog chowing down on dry food at the promise of steak. Hypothetical Hank Hill would have thrown up in his mouth watching the too old to be doing the boy band thing Adam Levine remove his shirt, and then writhe around while making awkward eye contact with girls half his age. American men, their wives and mothers, sons and daughters, friends and family all get together to watch the Super Bowl. It’s a family show.
Put your shirt on Levine. This is football, you aren’t the Rock, and you’re easily the least intimidating man per number of tattoos of all time.
There was even a bizarre moment where they cut to a Spongebob bit, presumably teasing what was sure to come. And then they continued the show, with no mention of why there would be random clips of Spongebob played during a halftime football show when the shitty band wasn’t even going to work it in.
Back to the 40 year old Adam Levine. Try to be Ryan Reynolds on another day, it’s unbecoming. And perform the damn Spongebob song next time because you know no one would tune in otherwise. Football fans were bamboozled into staring at your Botox for fifteen minutes while you danced effeminately and played songs no one wanted to hear. In the end, you robbed the nation of the Spongebob finale. My level of wanting to hear your music went from 0 to -10,000 following this performance, which will surely go down as one of the worst halftime shows in Super Bowl history.
40 year old Adam Levine
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