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AN EXPERT OPINION ON MILLENNIALS

An Expert Opinion on Millennials

Lazy, entitled, ambitionless, and spoiled. These are the labels we cast upon what I refer to as “The Worst Generation”.

There’s no denying the facts, but I feel a great deal of compassion towards this lost swathe. Highly educated in useless fields, philosophically challenged, and raised by the most biased news media in history, what exactly did we expect?  Unfortunately, my prognosis is that it’s too late. Now lifelessly careening into their early thirties, along with the harsh realizations that come with life on the fringes, these tiny home dwelling, bitcoin owning pseudo adults are the ultimate casualties of marijuana subculture.

Our well meaning but scientifically ineffective abstinence and prohibition campaigns have failed them, and instead of pulling themselves up by the bootstraps to learn the meaning of a dollar, they spiraled into existential suicide seeking the Jersey Shore lifestyle. Again, they are beyond rehabilitation. But this begs the question, what can be learned from the failed experiment of the Millennial generation? Because like I always say, whether we like it or not, Millennials are still US citizens.

Parenting needs a return to discipline. A not so friendly reminder that you’re not their friend. A child should be at least a little afraid of their parents. The consequence of not striking fear into a child is Millennialism, a disease where the offspring is paralyzed by a lack of ambition and an addiction to cellphones.

Further, a relaxed attitude toward delinquency aides like marijuana can no longer be tolerated. Put them back on propaganda films for all I care, because what we have instead is reefer madness. My neighbor is Millennial, and shows all the signs. Not only have I smelled Cannabis emanating from his house on multiple occasions, I saw him scuttle out to the mailbox wearing only socks.

Put shoes on, or go barefoot. Do not walk outside wearing socks, you look ridiculous.

We lost em, and there’s no getting them back. Books would be written about them, if there were Millennial writers. Instead, attention deficit disorder rotted their minds, the closest parallel in reality to the idea of zombies. When you look someone Millennial directly in the eye, look past the glassy shine and sleep deprivation veins, and into the tortured soul of someone who will never accomplish anything. Perhaps if we maintain a healthy level of compassion, we can use them as an example to show the next generation. After all, there is no better motivator than harsh reality.

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