An idiot’s guide to Millennials
America’s dirty little secret, and our first crop of weak males. Most of the general public is unaware of the menace, of the domestic danger lurking around every street corner. This is a basic primer, an introduction to spread awareness.
An idiot’s guide to Millennials.
Millennial – Individuals born between roughly 1982 and 2002.
Millennialization – The process by which these otherwise regular human beings contracted Millennialism.
Millennialism – A condition resulting from the process of Millennialization. There is no known treatment or cure, and quarantine is recommended. Its onset is slow, and in typical cases fully overtakes its host between fourteen and eighteen years old.
The Worst Generation – The Millennial generation.
Male-innial – All male members of the worst generation.
The country’s youth makes up its roots. If they fail to grasp a firm hold, the whole tree could topple. Because of this, I am a proponent of preparing for this inevitable generational failure. The Millennial generation has passed its tipping point, broken away from the tracks, and is now careening aimlessly toward destruction. It isn’t our job to save them, but it is our job to save ourselves.
The theories on how this happened are many, and include the massive increase on technological dependence. Instead of playing outside and interacting with other human beings, they stared at pixelated superheroes who acted out all the running and jumping they should have been doing. Combine that with the Pop tart and chocolate milk diet, and you start to see how this happened.
Instead of developing, this generation peaked at 7 when they still had some gumption. They never learned to focus. They’ve become too lazy for actual calculators, which are now built into their phones and computers. We replaced the entire human experience for them. Instead of standing on the shoulders of giants, Millennials stand at their feet and tie their shoes. The worst generation could also be called the bare minimum generation.
Millennialism is a spectrum disorder, its symptoms include; attention deficit disorder, alcoholism, marijuana dependence, pornography dependence in Male-innials, long term unemployment, homelessness, poor hygiene, poverty, bad credit, lack of health insurance, socialist ideology, New Age spiritualism, and an obsessive compulsion to discuss identity politics.
In its later stages, the disorder becomes parasitic. This is why I advocate for Millennial parents cutting off all contact with Millennialized offspring. Perhaps the scariest part of the disorder is that we are still learning about it every day, and we don’t know how this will play out. We do know it’s degenerative and progressive, making it highly unlikely things get any better than they are now.
Another core feature of Millennialism is its ambition robbing properties. This phenomena is likely caused by a number of contributing factors like; addiction, lack of concentration, over inflated sense of self worth, and low energy levels resulting from obesity. We don’t understand exactly why, but Millennialism completely robs its victims of gumption.
Millennials create their own businesses and side projects to give their lives the appearance of meaning on social media, but don’t be fooled. The projects never go anywhere, and end up costing their friends and family money through crowdfunding, and are the reason we need an idiot’s guide to Millennial’s. By now you have a basic idea of the Millennial plight, and of our need to fortify ourselves against them in the coming decades. Remember, awareness is the first step to quarantine.
Editor’s Note: This is only an idiot’s guide to Millennials. If you would like to know more, continue reading Live it Bad Ass writer Jeremiah Meyerson, who is the world’s leading expert on the Millennial generation.