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BABY DICK KILLER FACES RAPE AND MURDER CHARGES

Baby Dick Killer Faces Rape and Murder Charges

After 40 years, the man formerly known as “The East Area Rapist” and “The Golden State Killer” has been arrested. The break in the case came as the result of DNA evidence submitted through a genealogy website. The suspect in the case is Joseph James DeAngelo, a 73 year old former police officer.

The grizzly details of the case read like an over the top horror novel. DeAngelo broke into the homes of his victims, sometimes on more than one occasion. He would then attack, rape, and often kill his victims. Simply put, the man is one of the sickest psychopaths of all time. His actions left a wake of pain and suffering that is enough to infuriate anyone with a shred of human compassion in their heart. The internet is filled with detailed reports of the case itself, but this article isn’t about the macro. It’s about the micro.

Joseph James DeAngelo has a Micropenis. For those unaware, a Micropenis isn’t a tiny dick. It’s even smaller. It’s literally a medical condition.

Here are 10 signs you have a Micropenis.

1) GIRLS HAVE A REFLEXIVE CRAVING FOR VIENNA SAUSAGES AFTER SEEING YOU NAKED.

2) IT HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS “LIKE A RING POP”.

3) YOU CAN ONLY WATCH LESBIAN PORN BECAUSE THE SIGHT OF A NORMAL SIZED ERECTION IS DEPRESSING.

4) IT TAKES LESS TIME TO MASTURBATE THAN TO STOP CRYING AFTER.

5) YOU CAN SPORT A FULL ERECTION WITHOUT A BULGE.

6) IT APPEARS TO BE SITTING ON A BEANBAG.

7) WHEN YOU ARE BALLS DEEP WITHOUT HAVING ACHIEVED PENETRATION.

8) YOU’VE SAID “ONLY HAVE TO ROLL IT THREE TIMES!” IN REFERENCE TO PUTTING ON A CONDOM.

9) YOUR PUBIC HAIRS ARE LONGER THAN YOU.

10) THE ANATOMY INCLUDES A “HEAD”, BUT LACKS A “SHAFT”.

In the case of DeAngelo, he checks every single box. Not only does he have what one article describes as “an exceptionally small penis”, his pecker is statistically shorter than that of the average newborn infant male.

The judge in the case denied an attempt by DeAngelo’s public defender to prevent prosecution from collecting additional identifying information, arguing that it would equate to self incrimination and a violation of his 5th amendment rights. But if he were innocent, wouldn’t it be the opposite?

I don’t mention DeAngelo’s tiny weiner because I find it hilarious, or to make fun of a person who is legitimately sub human, but instead as a segway for an argument as to the motivation behind the murders. And perhaps, to allow myself a forum for a few more dick jokes.

The theory is simple, Joseph James DeAngelo’s (The Baby Dick Killer) uncontrollable rage was the direct result of being cursed with childlike genitalia. Instead of embracing his plight, or developing a sense of humor, he expressed his anger toward God at random people with normal sized penises, and the women who desired them. In other words, Joseph James DeAngelo’s deep hatred of self is rooted in the fact his penis can only be measured in millimeters.

Imagine DeAngelo’s horror when he first watched a pornographic film. He probably ended up dehydrated from all of the crying.

How many women have laughed out loud at the sight of his comically undersized member?

The case itself is high profile, and will receive plenty of mainstream coverage. The titles of “East Area Rapist” and “Golden State Killer” will certainly be replaced by “Baby Dick Killer” and “Micropenis Murderer”. Stay tuned for justice porn, as the case will likely require years to fully resolve.

Baby Dick Killer

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