New Politics 

BOBBY BOUCHER’S FATHER ROBERTO IS BLIND, HOMOPHOBIC, AND CAN’T SWIM

BOBBY BOUCHER’S FATHER IS BLIND, HOMOPHOBIC, AND CAN’T SWIM

We all know the feelgood story of Bobby Boucher, who made the successful transition from water boy to star collegiate football player. Less was known about Boucher’s father, who left the family when Bobby was still a boy.

Until now. This is the story of Roberto Boucher, who lives under the pseudonym Eric Porterfield.

Roberto Boucher, AKA Eric Porterfield

 

Porterfield is portly, hence why he chose the name. In fact, his girth is such that it caused the first recorded case of blindness from morbid obesity. Because there’s so much fat stored in Porterfield’s face, his eyes are squished, and forced to stare up into his own eye sockets.

Plus his heart isn’t healthy enough for sex.

Despite his Fat Bastard-esque physique and inability to see where he’s waddling, he still managed to obtain a position as a politician and lawmaker in West Virginia. This is where Porterfield’s incompetence as a father caught up to him once more, even after being humiliated by his other son, Bobby Boucher. When asked his fatherly opinion on how he’d handle his own son or daughter being gay, he said he’d see if they could swim.

Eric Porterfield would drown his son or daughter for being gay, which is awful enough. But why would drowning be the way he killed them? Because believe it or not, Porterfield was actually a fantastic swimmer as a boy. He was made fun of for wearing Speedos, called gay, and bullied until he developed an eating disorder called being a lard ass. Along with his sight, Porterfield lost his ability to swim. He’s too fat, and would actually drown in his own blubber if laid flat on his back. During this time, he also made the realization he is himself a homosexual, but has been unwilling to admit it to anyone else. The hatred within Porterfield stems from his own insecurities and erectile inadequacy, and the fact he was never able to accomplish his goals as a swimmer or come out to his family and friends as being gay.

So what do we know about Bobby Boucher’s father Roberto? He goes by the name of Eric Porterfield, is blind, can’t swim, and is simultaneously gay and homophobic.

 

 

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