BROWN RECLUSE BITES FLORIDA MAN’S PENIS
Michael Dumphrey of Saint Augustine screamed out in pain. Completely naked in the comfort of his own home, with blinds drawn, a brown recluse spider had sank its fangs into Dumphrey’s penis.
“The pain was excruciating.” he recalls. His unwelcome roommate scurried off under the bed, and Michael Dumphrey entered a state of panic upon realizing his ultimate nightmare. Blood dripped from the puncture site, and Dumphrey knew it was only a matter of time before he went into shock. Unable to drive, he phoned 9-1-1 and was rushed immediately to the hospital for treatment. There he remained for 8 days, lucky to avoid skin necrosis and surgical intervention.
“Amputation was my biggest fear.” said Dumphrey. “I’d give up both legs and one of my arms before my penis.” he said. The spider had taken up quarters inside of his Fleshlight, and perceived Dumphrey’s invading penis as a threat.
Michael Dumphrey broke up with his girlfriend a few weeks prior, and was enjoying life with his new toy leading up to the incident. Aside from some leftover swelling, everything is back to normal. When asked what he learned from the experience, he had this to say.
“You’ve really got to be careful where you stick your dick. Danger lurks around every corner man, I’m telling you.” wise words from a man who knows all too well the potential threat of what lies hidden inside of cozy dark tunnels. Despite the terrifying incident, he remains smitten with his Fleshlight and puts the blame squarely on his own shoulders. “You can’t just neglect something for long periods of time and expect everything to be hunky dory when you’re ready to be intimate. I should have paid more attention, and taken better care of her.” Men shouldn’t simply dive in glans first. Investigate your surroundings, use the finger swipe technique to check for poisons. In this wide and wonderful universe, you never know what visitors came before you did.