Controversial Millennial Concentration Camp Spark Outrage
Jeremiah Meyerson refers to himself as the World’s leading expert on the Millennial Generation, and writes extensively on the subject. An advocate for rational anti-Millennialism, he believes steps should be taken to quarantine Millennials from the rest of society. Despite claiming the Millennial defect he refers to as Millennialism is terminal, he is now taking steps to help rehabilitate members of the Worst Generation. Enter the Jeremiah Meyerson Millennial Concentration Camp, a rehab like facility that looks and functions oddly like a prison.
“It’s what they need. A full detox from their vices, computer phones, and liberal propaganda.” he says. The idea behind the concentration camp is to instill a healthy work ethic, and combat the epidemic of Millennial Attention Deficit Disorder. “I’m literally teaching them how to concentrate.”
Meyerson feels that once the baby boomer generation is gone, modern civilization will crumble and the world will turn to hell in a handbag.
“The rise of Millennials is a ticking time bomb, and the country’s most overlooked domestic threat. Look at Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, she’s the perfect example of full fledged Millennialism.” The concentration camps have sparked outrage in various online communities, who cite the reality that participants are not paid for their labor, and draw parallels between Meyerson and Hitler.
“The sign of a man grows directly on his upper lip, and this is a full handlebar. Do not compare me to a man who could barely manage a hershey squirt shit stache!”
Life inside the camp includes three meals and a long day of manual labor. Males are to be clean shaven with the exception of a traditional mustache, and required to cut their hair if it’s messy or unkempt. There is no internet connection at the facility, and all writing is done with a pen and paper. Wake up is 6 am, lights out at 9 pm.
“I’m training them to assimilate society.” Meyerson says. Participants in the 180 day program sign a non-disclosure agreement, and are instructed not to talk about their experience in the camp. Still, family members of those who attend say the conditions are harsh and isolating.
“My son is a different person since he got out. He bought a flip phone and then downgraded to a pager. He grew a mustache and bought a subscription to the daily paper because he won’t read anything on the internet.” says Stella Montoya, whose son Josh is a graduate of the Millennial Concentration Camp. “I’m happy that he stopped smoking marijuana and is more focused on his career, but he never smiles anymore.” The Jeremiah Meyerson Millennial Concentration Camp is now in its third cycle, and Meyerson is happy with the results so far.
“I’m training super soldiers, teaching them how to function and thrive in the modern world. It’s what America needs. An elite task force to combat the Millennial problem.” While Meyerson sees what he is doing as both a public service and moral imperative, many are outraged.
“He makes claims that aren’t backed up by science, and casts sweeping generalizations across an entire generation. His work is ignorant and divisive. I don’t see how he is getting away with it. It’s literally a for profit concentration camp!” says Tanner McDougal, a Millennial vlogger.
It’s too early to tell if the program will have a positive effect on society, or if Meyerson is simply an angry old man on a pedestal. But for now, Jeremiah Meyerson’s Millennial Concentration Camp is here to stay.