Dear Male-innial, Get Off My Lawn!
This is the final installment of the Dear Male-Innial series, and will attempt to wrap up my overall points. I can only hope my words are as therapeutic to hear as they’ve been for me to write. The first letter spoke on the importance of gainful employment and work ethic. The second explained in thorough detail why the Millennial male in its current state has no business fraternizing with women, especially my daughter. This final installment is a little different. It details why I want Millennial males to stay away from me personally.
Put simply, I can’t trust you. The deprivation of poverty does strange things to a man, it changes him. The way I see it, a man should have got his taste for working young, as the best way to keep someone out of trouble is to keep them busy.
Maintaining a lawn is one of the finest ways to instill discipline in a boy. It’s hard work, and jam packed with universal truths. Lawn care teaches consistency, commitment, and attention span. Three qualities mighty lacking in Male-innials. If you haven’t proven responsible enough to maintain a lawn, then you should stay the hell away from mine.
Unlike the general public, I’m well aware of the scope and pervasiveness of the Millennial menace. I’m all about hiring local help, but I can also smell a Male-innial from a mile away. If an obvious member of the Worst Generation dragged his pawn shop push mower to my front door, the answer would be a hard no. Doing a teenager’s summer yard work is not what I had in mind when I said to get a job, unless you are working for an established lawn care service.
Millennial attention deficit disorder paired with the required focus of lawn care is a recipe for a grass half mowed. Think about it like this; If I won’t trust you with my daughter, I damn sure won’t trust you with my lawn!
The hole you’ve dug for yourself is not an enviable one, but no one can pull you out except you. Reach for your bootstraps son, and get ready for a steady flow of harsh life lessons. My expectation that you heed this advice is as low as your ambition, but I assure you, the juice is worth the squeeze. Get a job, get away from my daughter, and GET OFF MY LAWN!