‘Fap’ to Replace ‘Masturbate’ as Word For Jerking It
Polls suggest the reason people don’t talk about self pleasure in public is because of the word masturbate. Masturbate. Masturbate is an ugly word, with a long history of demonization. It makes you sound like a sensei of batin’ your dick. Shouldn’t it be masturbeat?
The word fap is a perfect alternate. It’s quick and effective, like batin’ off should be. Think of how non threatening fap is versus MASTURBATE! Look at it. A word with ass. No distinction is worse than that of the masturbater, unless you ascend the ladder to chronic masturbater, master masturbator, or the ultimate title of master blaster. But no one fears being called a fapper.
“Jolly morning isn’t it? Good time for a fap” or “Gonna catch a quick fap before work.” even when used for allegation, the word has no whip to it. “Were you just having a fap?” or “Were you fapping it when I walked in?” nothing embarrassing about it.
While we’re at it, wank is also appropriate for many of the same reasons. It’s only disadvantage is that while we all love a good wank, no one wants to be called a wanker. Those are immediate fighting words for most people, and a sure way to turn a confrontation physical.
Fapping is nice. It’s something you talk about with grandma. Well maybe not grandma, but some random old lady for sure.
It’s a clean cut and non threatening word with incredible versatility, as showcased by “The Fappening”. But nothing is perfect. We all have flaws, and there is one way to ruin Fap.
You see, fap has the soul of a bird, and is meant to fly free. It doesn’t work with a master attached, or else it morphs into a term associated with shame and humiliation. An insult worse than masterbator. If someone calls you this, it is your nickname. Avoid it like Skunks urine. Do not become a FapMaster.