THE DENIER AS SUPPLIER THEORY – FART SCIENCE
The Denier as Supplier Theory is accepted by most modern scientists. Dropping off a sneaky gaseous bomb in a crowded room is a major social risk, and accepting responsibility for such an act requires prophet level honesty. This could all be different, if only we admitted our love of the poison stench.
Humans are innately disgusting, at depths most choose to ignore. The signs are everywhere, yet we choose to pretend. We feign indignation when a vile toot invades our space.
“Gross! Was that you?” a tiny blonde calls out, pretending to throw up in her mouth. You find it hard to believe, but you know the science well. It was her.
The story would be different were she home alone. How shamelessly she would inhale her own brand, cherishing peak potency. No human has ever left a room to avoid their own flatulence. Human nature dictates instead that we bask in its glory.
Imagine an honest world, where passing gas was considered an act of kindness. Everyone within sniff shot would go silent as a show of respect, and openly appreciate the hero of the hour’s revolting stench. Fart sniffing connoisseurs would gather with pride, and discuss the nuanced flavor palette created by the stinkiest pooters.
The fart is an acquired taste. The first whiff or two are rough, stinging the nostrils. Stand strong and persevere, allow time for acclimation. The rewards for embracing repugnant odors are immense, and progress over time.
Yet this idealistic world isn’t so. Perhaps society isn’t ready, hence the accuracy of Denier as Supplier Theory in general. We all know that a donkey gagging aroma does not simply appear from another dimension, but few can confront the light of its truth. So we play coy, and try to ascertain the guilty party on intuition alone. Sniff sniff. Which of these miscreants has soiled the oxygen?