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FLORIDA MAN ENGAGED TO MARRY HIS FLESHLIGHT

FLORIDA MAN ENGAGED TO MARRY HIS FLESHLIGHT

Michael Dumphrey, 35, of Saint Augustine Florida is engaged to marry his Fleshlight. For those unfamiliar with the product, it’s a black tube that houses an artificial vagina inside. It has sometimes been referred to as a ‘pocket pussy’. As far as Dumphrey is concerned, the product is everything he needs and more.

“It wasn’t serious at first, more like casual dating.” he says in reference to the relationships rocky start. “We had some issues, but Britney pushes me to become a better man each and every day.” Britney is the name Mr. Dumphrey uses to address his Fleshlight. While it makes perfect sense to develop a bond with a product that takes care of your sexual needs, a marriage commitment requires more. “She makes me question everything, and has added more value to my life than anyone outside of the Playstation 4.”   

Dumphrey is aware that the relationship is unorthodox, but plans to see it through until the end. He references other successful marriages between human beings and inanimate objects, and explains that he simply feels no desire to be with another woman.

“She’s the only one for me. She’s perfect and I love her with all of my heart.” he says. Dumphrey says his friends and family aren’t surprised by his decision, but have elected not to attend the ceremony because “watching him put his lips on that thing would be too off putting”.

“I don’t mind at all. As long as Britney is there, everything will be alright.” regardless of your opinion about Fleshmight marriage, it’s hard not to appreciate the depth of love the two obviously share. Dumphrey’s eyes light up when he recalls their favorite memories, and when discussing what is sure to be a very bright future between the couple. For a man who’s had nothing but bad luck and harsh times, Dumphrey sees it as a new chapter in his life. And for once, he hopes to get his happy ending.

 

FLORIDA MAN ENGAGED TO MARRY HIS FLESHLIGHT

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