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PARENTS OF MILLENNIALS – COPING WITH YOUR CHILD’S FAILURE

Millennial Parents | Live it Bad AssParents of Millennials – Coping With Your Child’s Failure

Being the parent of a Millennial is isolating by nature. Many Millennial parents feel their child’s homelessness, marijuana addiction, and lack of career prospects are somehow a reflection of them. The reality is that they were doomed to fail as a matter of destiny, and there isn’t a thing any of us could have done to stop it.

Millennial parents should take no shame in the shame of their child. Look around, it’s their entire generation. Were you the one who raised them to be an ambitionless marijuana head? I think not.

It comes down to how you cope. The happiest Millennial parents I know are the ones who cut off all contact with their offspring. What follows is advice for those who aren’t quite ready to make that step.

Millennial Parent,

Today is a time to rejoice. You’ve survived the eighteen years of being legally responsible. Parent is now a title you carry forever, instead of a burdensome job without benefits. Congratulations on the accomplishment.

If you haven’t already, kick them out. Unfriend them on Facebook, and come up with a cover story that isn’t an embarrassment to tell friends. Something like lawyer works well, anything professional really. And leave it at that. Watch in amazement as your acquaintances don’t give a shit that you don’t go into every painstaking detail about how Timmy lost yet another job because of a failed urinalysis. And soon, you won’t care about Timmy either.

It’s out of sight out of life, and if you move without telling your Millennial where you went, then by golly, it must have slipped your mind. There isn’t another way. Get rid of them.

Millennialism is a progressive disease, and things won’t get better than they are now. Go with the band aid approach. It’s surprisingly easy to block someone’s number on modern smartphones.

Forgive yourself for their existence. Yes, you brought them here. That much is on you, but their imminent overall failure in life is not on your hands. Be free of it, and of your child. It’s for your own good.

Sincerely,

Jeremiah Meyerson

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