Problems With Madden, and How to Fix Them
The Madden franchise is venerated as the premier football video game, and I don’t disagree. Doesn’t mean there aren’t aspects of the game that are downright MADDEN-ing. Here are the most obvious problems with Madden.
Why would I want to deal with salary cap bureaucracy in a fictional fantasy football land? The option for turning it off is offered in the franchise mode, but you can’t turn it off when editing rosters beforehand. I will pay any player one hundred million for one season in Madden money, and couldn’t care less. Make the other teams deal with it, not mine.
Finally got David Johnson on my team, time to run wild on opposing defenses for the next eight hours of my life. Injury alert, David Johnson breaks wrist, out for season. Jesus, there is a such a thing as too realistic. I already went through this in my fantasy league.
It’s not real! It’s a simulation. Are there Madden players who enjoy working around injuries? And not being able to use players because they’re hurt in real life? Fuck off! I just went for it on 4th and 2 from my own 15 yard line in the first quarter, and my running back has 65 rushing touchdowns heading into week 12. Enough with realism that only detracts from game play. The pixelated version of Tom Brady who lives inside of my PS4 should be eligible to play even if Tom himself is at home nursing an ankle injury.
It’s 4th and inches, so you choose a simple quarterback sneak with your Lebron James sized created quarterback. The ball is snapped, and he falls to the ground behind the center. If you’re really lucky, he may go untouched but somehow slide backwards like the turf is made of ice. It’s a blast when your QB falls down every single time you try the sneak.
Pro Wrestling Style Shoulder Check Knockout Blows
At least once a game, my running back goes heads up with a linebacker who sends him flying with a hard shoulder check. If that weren’t over the top enough, my guy fumbles and the linebacker stands over him like some kind of virtual hardass. This is one my least favorite aspects of the game, and the one that most incites my Madden rage.
Too Many Pick Sixes
Not every interception ends in a 99 yard touchdown return. It’s obnoxious, and I will curse at the television for the entire return, regardless of if there are children in the room. It’s healthier than letting the blood rush to your face while screaming in silence.
Madden doesn’t need referees, let alone penalties. If I get booted out of field goal range one more time for a holding call after a third down completion, I’ll have to replace another busted controller. I’ll take the pass interference calls that go my way, but would rather have the stats if they didn’t mug by boy in the first place. I’ve never experienced the yellow penalty flag symbol without it detracting from my gaming experience. Let the game be pure.
There they are, the problems with Madden football and how to fix them. Despite being an awful gamer, I’ve always had an affinity for shitting on subtleties contained within things far greater than I could create myself. For this reason, I am available for all paid beta testing and video game reviews.