Radioactive Poisonous Spider Bite Kills Man Trying to Become Spider Man
Jason Parks, 28, was found dead in his apartment this morning as the result of a radioactive poisonous spider bite. The coroner has been unable to determine the species of the spider who delivered the fatal bite because Parks had sustained over 20 spider bites in a matter of three weeks.
A proper explanation of this bizarre story requires a brief background on Parks. He graduated with his Master’s degree in biology from East Stroudsburg University (ESU) at 25, and worked as a research biologist for various universities in the New York area. He was known for his enthusiasm regarding science, which he developed from his obsession with the comic book superhero Spider-Man.
Peter Parker/Spider-Man, a creation of the late great Stan Lee, was himself a recipient of a science scholarship for his academic excellence, an example emulated by Parks. But his obsession didn’t stop there. Parks believed in the endless possibility of genetics, and that it may be theoretically possible for one to become something akin to a true superhero. And this is where our tale takes a tragic turn.
Countless documents were found in the room of the deceased Jason Parks, most relating to his theories about becoming a literal spider man. Among these documents, were detailed observations in reference to his ongoing science experiment. His hypothesis stated that some combination of radioactive rays and poisonous spiders could create a spider capable of transferring Spider-Man like powers to a regular human via its bite.
As the only subject in the study, Parks took on the burden of receiving each and every spider bite, a total of 21 bites from spiders exposed to radiation over 21 days. At the time of his death, Parks was emaciated, and suffering from multiple infections. Besides the exact cause of his death, there is one remaining mystery in the case of Jason Parks. Alongside delirious journal entries exclaiming “I’ve done it! I’m really the human spider!” was an intricate system of webbing that decorated his entire room. Crime scene detectives have sent samples of the seemingly indestructible material into multiple independent labs for analysis, and are awaiting results. All but one of the spiders used in the experiment have been recovered.
In the end, we are left to wonder. What are the true capabilities of the human genome?
R.I.P. Stan Lee