Reptilian Women | Live it BadassConspiracy Entertainment New 


Reptilian Women | Live it Badass


Anyone venturing rabbit holes is familiar with the conspiracy theory about shapeshifting humanoid reptilians. Wanna hear the true version?

The mainstream conspiracy theory is simple enough. Pretty much, a predatory race of reptilian shapeshifters share the planet with us, influence our perceptions, dominate our hierarchies, alter our genetics, and control the world’s major governments. Sounds crazy right? But the thing is, these serpent people show up all over the place. In folklore, religious texts, cave paintings, and mythology.

But I can’t buy into the theory as is. It just doesn’t seem plausible to me. But if I make one small change to the theory, everything falls into place. I’ve figured it out. The whole thing is actually a clever metaphor. Reptilian is metaphor for women. I’ve had a lot of time to think about women while dealing with my God awful soon to be ex-wife throughout the process of our divorce. Hear me out, and I’ll make you believe in shapeshifting women.

Let’s start with the shapeshifting. Women are masters of costume, with an entire market dedicated to “makeup”.

Shapeshifting women drastically alter their appearance in a few short hours, tailoring their transformation to elicit certain perceptual responses in men. Isn’t that crazy? Men can’t do this. There’s literally no such thing as ball cleavage, or skin tight mandex that showcases the clearly defined shape of a man’s dick in his pants. Men don’t paint their faces because there are no tricks we can use to make us more desirable, because the penis is mostly powerless. No one cares. If you saw the amount of alimony my wife feels entitled to, you’d know this as well as I do. 

Shapeshifting women are acutely aware of this ability. Break up with your girlfriend, and take notice at how desirable she is the next time you see her. She’ll make certain your eyes water, balls tingle, and jealousy flows from the very depths of your soul while she giggles and bats her eyes. That’s a spiritual superpower.

Shapeshifting, check.

Next up, the reptilian shapeshifters supposedly control the government and all positions of power. Too easy. You know what they say, behind every great man is a terrifying wench pulling all the strings and controlling his behavior down to a micro level. Presidents, generals, no one is safe from man’s eternal struggle for power in this matriarchal existence.

Shapeshifting women have seized it all. The struggle continues but the war is long over. Women already run the world, and will only continue to fortify their stronghold.

Another major facet of the theory is that Reptilians communicate telepathically. Well, women communicate telepathically. Ever finished a night of drinking with some friends and afterward your girl asks if you noticed her friend Suzy flirting with you? You say no, and she responds with “you’re such an idiot, it was so obvious, blah blah blah”. As incredibly annoying as she is, she’s actually right. Men don’t notice context like that and only recognize direct behaviors…unless Suzy tells us she’s flirting with us, we won’t notice. Because we don’t communicate telepathically.

If you ask a man how he’s doing and he’s says he’s fine, that means he’s fine. He isn’t telepathic so he’s just communicating his feelings with words. When a woman says she’s fine, as a man you know for sure you have to dig deeper. You don’t know how she is, but you know she isn’t fine. She won’t tell you with words, she’ll use telepathy and men struggle mightily to decode this ancient and complex form of language.

The next part of the mainstream theory states that reptilians are genetically altering us. Obviously women are genetically altering us. Did you know matrix means womb? Men have no idea what women are doing in there, or how they’re using that thing as a star-gate to extract souls to power the human bodies they’re somehow growing. That’s how every single man got here, but none of us remember a thing about it. Women did that to us. All they need from us is a little bit of our DNA, and they do all the rest.

That’s like if you had a partner for a school project, and she asks you to write your name on the cover sheet, leaves for nine months, and then comes back with a finished project that you both get half the credit for. It’s a matriarchal society, ran by shapeshifting women. I’m telling you, women are in full control of the human genetics and breeding programs. Men dance like monkeys for their attention, women choose a base model to work from and collect a sample. The human breeding program is so controlled by women that’s it’s literally this.

Man: Ugh!

Woman: Got it. You can fuck off now.

And that’s that. I’m no feminist or anything, but that seems slanted to me. And it should be, shit. We didn’t do anything in the process. As a man, how can I be proud of my contribution to creating a child? You can’t brag about that in public. When Suzy is rambling about the beauties and joy of pregnancy, or how great of a mother she is, you can’t be like “Remember the part I did? My part was awesome.”

So where does the reptilian aspect come into all of this? Ahh, you see, that’s actually the easy part. All human beings have a Reptilian complex, or r-complex that forms the basal ganglia at the base of the brain. It controls basic needs and avoidances, and we all have it. We’re all reptilian, because of the breeding, yet somehow only women have telepathy, shapeshifting, and a stargate matrix that seeds consciousness. They keep certain traits all to themselves in order to maintain control.

 I dare you to find a hole in that theory.
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