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THE UFC SHOULD PAY ITS ATHLETES TO TAKE PEDS

The UFC Should Pay Its Athletes to Take PEDs

USADA is bullshit. Testing for performance enhancing drugs in modern era professional sports is bullshit. It’s an arms race, and these guys are soldiers. Let them sacrifice whatever they feel is necessary to get where they need to go. Ya can’t hamper a man on his road to glory.

The UFC should pay its athletes to take PEDs in my opinion.

Performance enhancing drugs are a totally different class from the meths and heroines of the world. These aren’t delinquent dead end nobodies, they’re the fighting heroes we watch on television! Everybody does some kinda drug, let em have theirs. Of course it’s an edge, have you heard of ambition?

Took a few cycles of the juice myself when I was in the professional wrestling game. Recovered faster, fucked like an animal, and looked great. Roids gave me a kick that nothing else did, and I swear by their effectiveness. If one thing about PEDs is certain, its that they work. Consuming them is the guarantee of improved performance.

Remember Pride? Pepperidge farm remembers. Everybody juiced to the gills. The Axe Murderer without an axe,  murdering instead with his bare hands in front of 80,000 off puttingly silent Japanese fans. They should have just called him Wanderlei “The Murderer” Silva. Name one thing wrong with Pride outside of Yakuzan corruption.

There’s something to be said about a man sweating Anabolics and shaking with anger after being pulled off of his limp opponent by the referee and four corner men. Sure beats mid fight hugging and high fiving. Bloodsport ain’t about a fraternity.

USADA is invasive. They’re practically violating the constitution. Bend over fighter, we’re here to collect a fecal sample for testing. Guys are physically softer now, beat up from training camp, and gassed midway through fights. Thank you holy testers of piss! You fixed everything I hated about MMA. The overly aggressive, fearless, inexhaustible fighters who went non stop for the kill. Glad they’re gone and we can enjoy how awkward combat becomes late in the third round, when two heavyweights long past their lactic threshold battle not to have a heart attack.

The UFC has no problem giving title shots to fighters who have gotten over but haven’t ascended the ladder. They want a spectacle and incentivize it. Why not abandon the ultimately pointless practice of prohibition altogether? The biggest, freakiest, most out of control athletes are what the people want. Give it to them. The UFC should pay its athletes to take PEDs under the supervision of a medical doctor.

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