These Actual Fortune Cookies Are Savage
Fortune cookie is a misnomer. They rarely if ever include a fortune, and it would be more accurate to call them “sayings that vaguely apply to everyone cookies”. Where is the fun in that? The cookie itself barely qualifies as edible, so they should at least put something entertaining on the slip of paper stuffed inside.
Whoever runs these companies is a boring asshole. Why can’t there be an actual fortune cookie company? Take the boring out, and leave the asshole. Because another thing I can’t stand is being patronized. Do not tell me I’m going to meet the love of my life and get married soon, or that I’m bound to be successful. We both know neither is true.
What follows is my pitch for an honest fortune cookie company that actually gives something resembling a fortune. Without further ado, I present the Actual Fortune Cookie Company.