WOMAN WITH A POOPY BUTT ARRESTED
Andrea Grocer, also known as ‘Hershey Squirts’ by the town of Ashland Massachusetts, was arrested for defecating in a parking lot on a Wednesday morning. Squirts, a long time sufferer of Spontaneous Projectile Diarrhea Syndrome, or SPDS, claims she used the parking lot as her personal litter box 8 times in the past month alone. She is actually in the midst of an SPDS episode in her mug shot.
And she would have got away with it too, if not for world class detective work.
“At first, [workers] thought it was an animal but then they noticed toilet paper and other wipes — items animals would not have access to,” said police spokeswoman Lt. Cara Rossi. LINK HERE
You’ve got to think like a public shitter to catch a public shitter, and that’s precisely how the police nabbed Squirts in this case. Because Squirts is a civilized woman, she wiped her ass and left the evidence behind. The police were able to solve the case from here, not because animals are not capable of wiping their ass and therefore shouldn’t be considered suspects in the first place, but because the animals would not have access to wiping materials.
If you or someone you know is suffering from SPDS, get a trash bag or something. It’s a criminal offense to go around spraying your porridge all over random public places.
Poopy Butt Arrested