North Korean Burning Man debuted this past weekend, and was similar to the American version, minus the drugs or any form of self expression.
Leading up to the event, regular citizens sent in various concepts that might be used as the centerpiece for the burn. All entries were judged for selection, so long as the North Korean Long Cock was the focal point of the idea. The lucky winner’s design became the actual wooden structure for burning at the celebration.
Choi Min was the victor, hand selected by the prodigious one himself. Min’s idea showcased a large version of the descendant of heaven Kim Jong Un, surrounded by hundreds of smaller depictions of the North Korean citizenry, all bowing before the wise leader.
A large gathering was arranged, and for $500 you had access to the most boring 1500 person three day potluck in the history of the world. The highlight for most attending citizens was the fact that they were allowed to eat without rations, and this included distinguished members of the North Korean starving army.
The first two days consisted of camping out, listening to propaganda, and paying homage to Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong Il, and Kim Jong Un. The exhausting monotony left spectators weary for home, but the end of the third day brought the finale. It was time for the burn.
Instead of igniting the whole structure, truth’s ultimate recognition of a leader was spared, as it is illegal to burn any likeness of the guarantee of perfection.
The crowd cheered in monotone unison as the people went up in flames. The untouchable one stood tall over them, unharmed. The message was powerful, and the cheers were extravagant when it was all finally over and the partisan crowd was allowed to return home.